I’ve experienced many situations about myself, being a certified bibliophile since then. I’ve cried so many times that when it ended, I just thought that I was a shallow person. My emotions always get through me, and they’re always successful.
So, Hi! Because I’m not that friendly and I’m not sharing my experiences and feelings often to other people, I’ll just type and share my emotions here. Woah, deep.
Did you know the feeling that you want to buy something but you can’t? You like something—or someone but you can’t be with them. Lol, just joking about the “hugot”. Back to my topic. You’re doing everything just to get it but still, you can’t. That’s the sentiment I’m feeling right now. There’s only one thing I needed in my life, and it was books. I therefore conclude that you’re asking me right now, does she know only about books? How about her family, how about her friends? How about her life in reality? They’re still part of it, but I think I can’t live without books. They’re so important to me. Even when my mom always says that I can’t get anything from it, I believe that when I read a book, I can learn so many things.
I’m saving money just to buy my life (lol I was pertaining to books), but my mom is still opposing. I’m also the one who’s paying on my cellphone. It was a plan, postpaid to be exact. I bet you’re asking me again. Does she only thinks about luxury? It’s just really tempting to see other teenagers that have their own things, but on my case, I only want books. Envy. Bad.
I know that being envy to other people was bad but I just can’t get enough of it. It sends aftershocks on my system that every time I go anywhere, all I can see was material things surrounding me. Clothes, shoes, gadgets, whatever cool things you can see, it was envying. My problem was so extent right? From books, to other material things. It’s crazy.
I opened my piggy bank to get money because there is a self-published book of my favorite author but then, my mom saw me counting coins. It’s for my Manila International Book Fair (MIBF) but i don’t have enough funds to buy that book so i opened it. She said if she can borrow it but the deadline of payment is approaching soon so I said i can’t lend her my money right now because I need to pay it soon. There it is, she is opposing me again because I can’t lend her that time. And it’s irritating because I always lend her of my savings but right that time, it’s my only wish to buy that book of my favorite author. Can’t I achive happiness? I ain’t got no chill that time, but I just keep my composure because I know it will last. But it isn’t.
There’s no classes for two weeks so I don’t have money to pay for my cellphone so I said to her if she can pay it for me because there is no classes. She said no. I’m losing my temper! She also said that I shoudn’t go to prom because we don’t have money. And it sucks. I really really want to go to prom because I wan’t to be a girl just for one time. I just wan’t to join my friends in our soiree but I can’t. That’s why I said to my friends that I can’t join. I said I DON’T want to join. I smiled to them. And I said I don’t have time for that because being a girl is more irritating. What am I? I’m a big fat liar. Smiling but deep inside crying.
I still don’t understand my life. My life is so fair for being unfair. I always cry over these petty things. And I always thought that I’m not that mature enough because I always cry. But I’ve read that when you cry silently at night, you’re mature. I don’t know what to believe. I just thought that time that I’ll not believe anyone because all of us are liars. What am I even thinking that time? From my problem on books, it goes to prom. And now liars. I am thinking too much, right?
My niece and older sister get what they want. Mine? I still need to save money for my needs.But my mom always lends it. Is it because my sister works for us to live? I think it is. But I think it’s also a bit unfair for me. Or is it just me who thinks like that? All I can think as of now was prom. And books. They’re gone for now. I can only wish that they’ll go back to me. Please!
(Note: It can be myself who I’m pertaining here but I think all bibliophiles can understand my problems. Well, not the ones who are rich. Lol!)
bibliophilecea 